What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
