i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
did you just send me my own nude
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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