Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
