It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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