Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
