UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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