My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
