If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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