It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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