Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
