the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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