Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
