No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
