How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
