we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
