smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
