see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
