I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
