one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
