My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize