If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
