she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
