i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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