Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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