my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
