i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
