The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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