Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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