She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
