Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
