im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
