You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize