for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
