ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
