haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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