The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
