I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
