If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize