Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
