Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
