i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
