I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize