What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
