The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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