Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
