Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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