it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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