The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
