your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
