no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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