There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
