I hate all girls vehemently.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize