I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
