your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
