Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
