took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
