You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
