I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
