He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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