I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
