"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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