I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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