Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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