I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
