It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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