I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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