how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will pee on everything he values.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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