Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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