You made me cry and you don't even care
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
