I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
