the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
