smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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