she looked like the before picture.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
